NMC082 Moving to Austin High Emotions

Daphine Mbithuka


Subject: Juggling with high emotions while moving into the new rental house.

One thing that can easily lead someone to experience negative emotions like anger and frustration is failed expectations. We all have expectations in different areas of our lives, so we probably have an idea of how it feels when those expectations fail.

This is no different for Rosa Linda Román, New Mexi-Castaways’ host. After selling their cherished boat, the Dawn Treader, and deciding to move into a rental house, she felt like her dream of living in the boat was cut short. As she shares, moving into the rental house triggered all this negative energy not only for her but the children too who ended up fighting and even throwing tantrums at different points. As you listen in to this episode, some of the things you’ll learn include how to deal with high emotions individually, and also, as a parent. We hope that you enjoy it!

P.S. If you liked this episode check out our most recent episode:

NMC081 Post Wedding Storage

Recorded: July 25, 2018

Location: Austin, Texas

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Episode Transcript:

Rosa Linda Román (00:29): Hello and welcome to New Mexi-Castaways. I'm Rosa Linda Román and I am currently driving an empty moving truck to the place where we're going to deliver it back to Budget Rental here in Austin and driving the truck feeling a little bit frustrated, feeling frustrated because, so Nathan immediately had to get back to work and we had a rental car, but he left me the car to suburban, but also, the rental truck needed to be turned in today and he left early this morning to go to work. Well, the rental truck had to be turned in, so I am now driving it to go meet him at the rental place so that we don't get charged an extra day and he won't have much time. He's going to have to borrow a colleague's car to meet me and I'm sure, you know, just quickly check out, and then, drive me back to the house. Rosa Linda Román (01:26): The frustration for me comes from the fact that I had to leave my kids home alone with no way to communicate because I have this phone which I need for navigation and Nathan has his phone at work and we don't have any Wi-Fi in the house. And that's actually going to be the theme of this episode, just kind of, I'm going to let you guys eavesdrop on our move-in day, which was yesterday. I was kind of moving through the house, talking a little bit with you guys and recording kind of the natural sound of what was going on in our new rental house on move in day. You'll hear us talking about cupcakes because the thing that you do when you move off of a boat and you finally have a kitchen for the first time with everything you need for baking is your 13-year-old. My daughter Ahava, you bake cupcakes and she's been watching this show called Sugar Rush, which is all about baking cupcakes, cakes, and cookies, I think, very creatively and with a time deadline. It's like a competition. Rosa Linda Román (02:34): So, you'll hear the conversation surrounding that, the kids figuring out what cupcakes they were going to make and trying to work out the fact that we only had two cupcake pans, which we had just bought that morning and three kids, and how they worked that out. Also, all the while I was unpacking while emotions were very high. Some of us are not convinced we want to be here. Even those that wanted to be here, namely, Ahava, is having a lot of stress because she's worried about going back and starting gymnastics. She's been out of it for several weeks because we traveled and we had my brother's wedding in Florida. Rosa Linda Román (03:10): And so, you'll hear maybe some of the tension that relates to that. Part of it is Nathan is fully engulfed in in work and so he's stressed from trying to play catch up with his work, and we are in the middle of trying to move in as a family. So, you'll hear some of that. The end of it, I don't think it kind of cuts off towards the end with just, I was recording something about Ziva and then I stopped. So, I'll wrap it up. I'll come back on and wrap it up at the end to kind of pull it all together. But mostly it's just natural sound of our family's move-in day. And we did end up having the cupcake competition last night after Nathan got home from work and the kids each presented in a very adorable presentation their cupcake creations. Some of them were much more delicious than others and they were all very creative. So, it was a lot of fun. I'll try to tack on some of the audio from that cupcake presentation. Nathan and I were the judges and the kids were, it was serious business. So, yeah. So, let me just say thanks for listening. If you are new to my channel, this is not a normal episode. I do do a lot of just kind of Rosa Linda's Ramblings, but this one is more listening into my interactions with the kids as we move through our new space. I hope you enjoy. Rosa Linda Román (04:38): Well, it is the first day in our new home in Austin, and emotions are high, and a lot of work to be done. Nathan had to go to work. He was with us for a few hours this morning, but tension was high then, too, because he had work and felt torn and pulled. And so, I think that tension between us probably carries over to everybody else. The kids are overtired. We've done a lot of unpacking. We managed to move everything out of the moving van into the house, but now little by little things have to be moved into the various rooms. But there's a lot of crying going on. At certain points, different kids have refused to help, and then, when they have helped, it sometimes was good and sometimes was not. So, we finally got all this stuff out of the moving van and I'm glad we did it relatively early because it is now 4:30 and it says in the Austin area it is showing it is 100 degrees, so nice and hot out. So, luckily, we unloaded the moving van, but now there's still a lot of work ahead. So, right now I'm unfolding a shower curtain, shower liner. It's weird because we rented a house with nothing in it. And so, we're having to buy a bunch of stuff we didn't have before like shower curtain and liner, and shower curtain and- Ziva (06:04): Mommy, do we have flour? Rosa Linda Román (06:05): Yes, I don't think we do, but I'll check. Well, for cupcakes you might be able to use pancake mix, no? Ziva (06:12): [indiscernible 06:12] cupcakes or? Rosa Linda Román (06:14): All right. Well, let me see if I can find flour first. The kids are making cupcakes. Hey sweet boy, what you doing? You want to help me put this up? Are you still doing the cupcakes? Samuel (06:26): No, I'm not doing it? Rosa Linda Román (06:27): Why not? You need a haircut? Is that what you're looking at? Samuel (06:31): [indiscernible 06:30] I couldn't figure out the pan thing. Rosa Linda Román (06:33): You couldn't figure how to work together. Samuel (06:36): I just wanted to be [indiscernible 06:35] but I can't do it with the same [indiscernible 06:39]. I want to know [indiscernible 06:39] same color. So… Rosa Linda Román (06:43): You can't think of any way that you could make yours different so you would know they're yours. Samuel (06:48): No. Rosa Linda Román (06:48): Or if you just put it in the oven a certain way so you know they're yours. Samuel (06:52): Yeah, I even suggested that I way, but they said no because it was theirs, but it wasn't. Rosa Linda Román (07:02): In the oven. It might, I don't know. Samuel (07:04): Well, I don't if it [indiscernible 07:05]. Maybe [indiscernible 07:08]. Rosa Linda Román (07:09): Well, what about using tinfoil Samuel (07:12): Tinfoil [indiscernible 07:11] but I [indiscernible 07:13]. Rosa Linda Román (07:16): So, they decided once we got all the boxes in, they decided to make some cupcakes because they've been watching, what is it called? Sugar Rush. And it's all about making fancy cupcakes, and so, they were working on that, which is good. But there's been meltdowns over and over again by that little boy because he's overtired. So, that's what you're hearing. So, Samuel said he's trying to find a way to be able to participate but not share a pan. Speaker 2 (07:46): I think that tinfoil's an amazing idea. Rosa Linda Román (07:47): But you can share the pan but just line it like put tin foil around [crosstalk 07:55]. I was just going to say if you leave them in the pan and just use the tin foil to mark which ones are his. Speaker 2 (07:46): [indiscernible 07:46]. Rosa Linda Román (07:47): I'm suggesting for him. Speaker 2 (08:05): [crosstalk 08:04]. Rosa Linda Román (08:08): I understand. I'm just [crosstalk 08:10]. Okay, you can try but it might not hold it strong enough so… Ahava (08:16): It probably will. Rosa Linda Román (08:17): All right. So, if you're going to try to do that, make it into a pan, Samuel, like this. Ahava (08:22): Don't jump steps, okay? [crosstalk 08:25]. Rosa Linda Román (08:24): And make it into a pan. You're not going to make it into a pan? Ahava (08:27): Yes, [crosstalk 08:28]. Rosa Linda Román (08:32): I don't think we have plastic gloves. Well, actually we did at one point. I think we left almost everything functional like that on the boat. Well, there's household good box that I was just about to open. Ahava (08:43): Can I use [indiscernible 08:43] my cupcake for the [indiscernible 08:45]. Rosa Linda Román (08:47): I have no idea. Ahava (08:48): So, we found a cool tip. Rosa Linda Román (08:49): Okay. Ahava (08:50): So, you take one of these liners, right? And you take a bit of butter, put it in it, put on the microwave for 40 seconds, and then, it's like it turns into a mini cake. Try it without even writing, right, right? Rosa Linda Román (09:03): Interesting. Samuel (09:03): Wait, let me guess, you don't [indiscernible 09:03]. Ahava (09:06): Don't come in [indiscernible 09:06] it's not going to work. Rosa Linda Román (09:08): Yeah, I think Ziva makes a very good point. If you come in there assuming that she's going to do her best to help you, that's a lot better than coming in and assuming somebody's trying to hurt you. Come here. Look what I made for you Samuel. A little… Samuel (09:23): Yeah, that would be enough. Rosa Linda Román (09:25): How many? I thought you had four? Samuel (09:26): Oh. Rosa Linda Román (09:26): Oh, well, you have to make more than one. Samuel (09:29): Each of us get four- Ahava (09:06): Four rows of four. I mean, three of the four. So, 1, 2, 3 rows Rosa Linda Román (09:37): I'm going to open the household goods box and see what's in there. Let me get my Swiss army knife first and… Ahava (09:48): [indiscernible 09:46]. Rosa Linda Román (09:49): Okay. Ahava (09:49): I've got an idea. Rosa Linda Román (09:49): We could probably borrow a cupcake pan from the neighbor. Samuel (09:54): [indiscernible 09:54]. Rosa Linda Román (09:55): Let me just look and see if anyone's out there. So, we're in this really pretty little neighborhood. Samuel (09:54): Momma? Rosa Linda Román (09:55): Yeah. Samuel (10:03): [indiscernible 00:10] Rosa Linda Román (10:04): I saw them playing basketball earlier. You think that was the grandma? I met the lady. She was definitely not a grandma. Ahava (10:11): No, when you were upstairs the grandma was watching the kids. [indiscernible 10:12] not a grandma. I would go knock. [indiscernible 10:15] the only people if you're going to do it, but it's not, let's open the household goods and find something. Even if it's a [indiscernible 10:20]. Rosa Linda Román (10:22): Then he can put his… well he can put his tinfoil in the pan and have a better chance to not flow over. Ahava (10:28): So, where is that box? Rosa Linda Román (10:22): That's right here. It says [indiscernible 10:31]. I just saw it. Oh, you can put that games one on top, I think. Yeah, there we go. Ahava (10:38): Okay, okay. [indiscernible 10:39]. Rosa Linda Román (10:41): Yeah, and I appreciate the way you keep trying to help him stay calm. We've all had our moment. And… Ahava (10:48): I'm trying to [indiscernible 10:47]. Rosa Linda Román (10:49): Well, I think you're doing a great job. Ahava (10:51): And not only [indiscernible 10:51] I want to it work. Rosa Linda Román (10:53): He's excited. He's just feeling, he's way… What time did you guys go to bed last night? But he was the first step too. There's the Dawn Treader pillow and what is this? Mr. Puppy? Yeah, that's what we needed earlier. And this, oh, they're household goods but not baking goods. Oh, there's our speaker that we were looking for Ahava. Ahava (11:20): Yeah, but we have plastic gloves. Rosa Linda Román (11:21): We actually had plastic gloves as part of our… Ahava (11:25): Trailer. Rosa Linda Román (11:25): Maybe, Ahava, but it was part of our kitchen, yeah. Ahava (11:29): [indiscernible 11:29]. Rosa Linda Román (11:29): But I don't think we have rubber… and they're not plastic, they're… Ahava (11:34): [indiscernible 11:34]. Rosa Linda Román (11:38): Yeah, I'm not finding anything kitchen. I think daddy left it all with the boat. Ahava (11:39): Can you open. Rosa Linda Román (11:38): I think this is all like, well, not just medicine, but I think it's like doctor-related stuff. Ahava (11:46): Yeah, but doctors wear gloves. Rosa Linda Román (11:47): But daddy, I don't think he keeps them. He has them in his actual medical kit. Ahava (11:52): Where is that? Rosa Linda Román (11:52): But I don't think he's going to want, oh that's his medical kit there, that black… Ahava (11:57): Oh, I'm sure it's in there. Rosa Linda Román (11:59): Well, we can look. Those have zippers. Just look in places and see. Well, it is. He used that for Puerto Rico. He had to have like a to-go… Ahava (12:09): [indiscernible 12:08]. Rosa Linda Román (12:12): Yeah, this is all medicine and a scale. There's our scale. I don't think I want to see that at this point. You what? Maybe there's some in this little, see what it says on it, that little first aid kit. Does it say gloves? Right? All this should go in my bathroom. Ahava (12:30): No, no, no. Rosa Linda Román (12:31): Okay. You sure there wasn't any in there? Ahava (12:34): That's all of it. Rosa Linda Román (12:35): I'll move this to my bathroom where it belongs. Okay, so far, no, we have not found anything. You seem calmer, Samuel. Is that you feeling better about it? Ahava (12:46): Oh my gosh [indiscernible 12:47]. Rosa Linda Román (12:47): You have it on the top shelf, honey. That's not, you need in the center of the that's going to, maybe it'll be okay. I don't know. That's really. Samuel (12:58): Mom, you [indiscernible 12:56] right? Rosa Linda Román (12:58): Yeah, I would always put it in the center of the others. Yeah, that's normal. Ahava (13:02): Mommy, mommy, mommy, look. Rosa Linda Román (13:07): What? What? Ahava (13:08): [indiscernible 13:07]. It looks like [indiscernible 13:08]. Rosa Linda Román (13:10): No, that's how it's supposed to. Ahava, we'll see how it goes. You don't want to move it in the middle because then it'll go flat. Samuel (13:20): Ahava do you want me to [indiscernible 13:20] again? Rosa Linda Román (13:23): To what? Samuel (13:24): You don't [indiscernible 13:23]. Ahava (13:25): What are you talking about? Samuel (13:27): You don't want me to [indiscernible 13:28]. Rosa Linda Román (13:30): Stop. You're putting words in… Samuel (13:31): You just [indiscernible 13:31] to me. Rosa Linda Román (13:32): Okay, well maybe you could say to her, I didn't appreciate you saying that to me. Ahava (13:37): That's not what I said. Rosa Linda Román (13:38): Okay. But whatever you said, whatever he thinks you said, you guys need to work it out and not drag me in it. Samuel (13:44): Can you help me? Ahava (13:46): [indiscernible 13:46]. Rosa Linda Román (13:51): Take your leap, I don't care. But Ahava and Samuel, you know that each one of them is going to be baked differently. So, as soon as she's done with hers you could use that pan. Ahava (14:03): So, you shouldn't use it. Rosa Linda Román (14:04): He's happy. What do you think? Ahava (14:06): Only like a few more minutes. Samuel do you care if you use [indiscernible 14:09]. Samuel (14:44): [indiscernible 14:11]. Rosa Linda Román (14:12): He would like to use some fondant. He already expressed that. Keeping everybody calm and happy in the middle of an emotional move. And it's not without big emotion for me. I was in Walmart today and we were getting to some of the things that we needed for this house because we rented it completely void of everything. Like, it was just a house. It doesn't have Wi-Fi, it doesn't have cable, it doesn't have shower curtains, it doesn't have shower curtain rods. Actually, I think it did have that, but you know, everything else we have to get ourselves. So, when we went to go to Walmart to get some of the things we needed, the kids were bickering and we were kind of walking through Walmart. We had two carts and I had separated to go get like some of the because at the same time we're trying to get all the things the kids need for summer camp, which we need for starting on Friday in New Mexico. Rosa Linda Román (15:17): And when we… what? Ahava (15:21): Cornstarch. Rosa Linda Román (15:22): If we do it's in that spices box. Ahava (15:24): It's not. Rosa Linda Román (15:25): Then no. Anyway, so they were working on getting stuff for camp and I hate shopping to begin with but to have to shop for clothing, for the girls, in particular, under duress while Nathan only had about a half an hour to shop and trying to get all the housewares and all this stuff. So, in other words, it was high stress. And I stepped away for a minute with one of the carts. I was going to look for, I don't know, some groceries or something. And I just like almost started crying. I just got really choked up and was sitting there thinking, "Oh my gosh, like why are we… like, my kids are at each other, Nathan's mad at everybody." And here we are like in this place that, you know, Austin is a really cool town and that's great. Rosa Linda Román (16:08): So, I'm not complaining that we're here necessarily, but just the feeling, like, I felt like we were kind of going, it felt like the beginning of the end. To me, it just felt gross and ugly and I'm not against Walmart because, you know, we shop there many many times. So, it's not that it's Walmart, it's that it's all the stuff. When we were there, you know, walking through with all the stuff it just is overwhelming. It's just a feeling like, you know, not just abundant because I think we should all have anything you desire and you know, I believe in abundance, but that feeling, that excess and kind of buying more and more stuff just because we're supposed to have it and we think we need it, and kind of giving up on that feeling of being on the boat and having just the right amount of stuff that we needed to go exploring, but not much more than that. Not excessive glutinous feeling. Rosa Linda Román (17:05): And that's what it felt like walking through Walmart. I was just like, "Oh my gosh, it's just overwhelming." And then, the kids are fighting and Nathan's stressed because he feels like, you know, for him, my boating dream, you know, made it more challenging for him for work. And I do appreciate very much that he made that effort so that I could have that experience. And we did have that experience. But you know, now here we are like moving into this very domesticated standard, I don't know, American way of living. We were walking through Walmart and I was just like, "Oh my gosh, what happened? How do I find myself here?" And part of it is just whenever my kids fight I feel like a failure. And I know I should just stop that because all kids fight. Rosa Linda Román (17:55): But you know, my failure feelings come from the fact that I lose my temper and you know, if I am honest, if I just control myself and my reaction, you know, everyone else does pretty well. It's when mommy loses it, which usually is because I'm mad at Nathan because you know, my feelings are hurt or my expectations are not met or, you know, whatever the story is that I told myself and you know, how I'm feeling about all that, that informs the energy around me. And so, everybody else is in reaction all the time. So, I know the lesson from it is that I have to control my reactions because if I don't control my reactions, it's a trickle-down effect and everybody else starts to act like a maniac. So, something is smelling good out here. Ziva (18:50): Those are my cupcakes. Rosa Linda Román (18:52): I'm liking those. Samuel (18:53): I'm making my own cupcakes with a different [indiscernible 18:55]. Rosa Linda Román (19:03): Do we have another- Ahava (19:04): [indiscernible 19:04]. Rosa Linda Román (19:04): Oh perfect. You close that door. Oh, that's scary looking. Samuel (19:11): Look at what I can do. We now have fondant cupcakes. Rosa Linda Román (19:12): Yeah. So, I just stepped out because I've got a Luci light that I put outside and it has to sit in the sun. And so, now that I'm in the backyard, I'm just, obviously, sharing the sounds of the move with you guys. Looking at our backyard is interesting. It's got a nice like stone wall that kind of protects us from the nearby street. And it's got some pretty old trees or mediumly old trees. Not really, really old in the back. There's one really nice climbing tree in the front yard. It's interesting. So, the Luci Light thing that came from the boat and it's one of those solar-powered lights. And I use it as a nightlight for the kids. So, I have to remember to throw that in the sun. And I found that in a box. So, I threw that in the sun right now. Rosa Linda Román (19:56): And coming outside, it's a hundred degrees out here, but in the shade, it feels great. And I love it. I love the heat. But it reminds me now just walking out here, the first impression when I got to this house was there were these like the shells of, not the locus, I think they're cicadas. You know those bugs that they're just really creepy looking. I need to take a picture for you guys and I'll put it in the New Mexi-Castaways group in my Facebook group. But anyway, there's just like the shell of this creepy-looking bug and there were three of them clinging to the wall by the front door when I first arrived and I was like, "Oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself into?" Rosa Linda Román (20:37): But I'm here and I'm trying to stay positive. I did have my moment where I lost my temper earlier and again in Walmart I got choked up and sad. I'm trying not to wallow in that because I miss my boat and I missed the life I had built on the boat. And I feel like I never really fully got to experience what I envisioned it would be and how we could have done it. But a lot of the things we learned on the boat, they still apply. I'm watching the kids trying to work through tension when we're all over retired, and we've all been through an emotional rollercoaster, and watching them try to make cupcakes together while still at the same time competing against each other. You know, I got to give credit. They're good kids. We've learned a lot as a family about how to handle the hard things. And as they get older and older, I- Ahava (21:28): Isn't it kind of a pretty color? Rosa Linda Román (21:29): Oh, that is a pretty color. It looks like bubble gum though. You know how I feel about bubble gum? Ahava (21:34): Well, it's not. Rosa Linda Román (21:35): Okay. It's even worse because it… and it won't just stick, it'll stain. Ahava (21:39): No. Rosa Linda Román (21:40): No? Okay. Samuel (21:42): It's just fondant. Rosa Linda Román (21:43): Fondant. Ahava (21:45): It's just fondant with [indiscernible 21:45]. Rosa Linda Román (21:46): I got to get some pictures. Samuel (21:48): Mommy, look. My cupcakes are done. Rosa Linda Román (21:49): Oh. Samuel (21:49): Don't put them in the… Rosa Linda Román (21:53): Oh, don't put them in the freezer. Samuel (21:56): Don't put them in the fridge [indiscernible 21:54]. Rosa Linda Román (22:05): Oh, okay. Samuel, I think you should use that pan. Samuel (21:58): I am. Rosa Linda Román (22:00): Oh, you are. Okay, good. Ahava (22:02): [indiscernible 22:02]. Rosa Linda Román (22:05): Well she's slow on time, right? Ahava (22:08): No. Rosa Linda Román (22:08): It's okay. I think it's okay to have them in there. Does this stuff taste good or is it gross? Samuel (22:14): That's not good. Ahava (22:08): It is. It's mainly from molding. I don't like a lot of it. Do you like it? I don't know. It's only a [indiscernible 22:21]. Rosa Linda Román (22:22): Boring frosting. Like no, not even. It tastes like clay. Ahava (22:26): Pretty much cakery. Rosa Linda Román (22:27): Pretty much. Don't put too much on. You do whatever you want. I'm not going to give you my input because it's your competition. Samuel, I see you by your workstation over here. Ahava (22:37): He's supposed to be helping. Ziva (22:37): Wait [crosstalk 22:38] is daddy coming home? Rosa Linda Román (22:40): Daddy will be, when he gets home it'll be both of us. Let me see your workstation. Ahava (22:45): [crosstalk 22:44]. Rosa Linda Román (22:47): All of us. Ahava (22:48): No, but you two are judges. Samuel (22:48): [crosstalk 22:50] smell vanilla, but [indiscernible 22:51]. Rosa Linda Román (22:55): Okay, I don't think this box should be, are you sure you'd said we do have baking powder. What were you looking for? Hey, I would recommend doing that over the tile. Don't mix that in case it flashes. It ends up on the carpet. Ahava (23:12): Yeah, I'm making [indiscernible 23:10]. Rosa Linda Román (23:13): Okay, yeah, I would've never had an occasion to have corn starch that I can think of. You don't like vanilla smell, Samuel. Samuel (23:19): [indiscernible 23:19]. Rosa Linda Román (23:21): All right, let's see boxes. I see office supplies. Oh wait, there's another food box over here. I think it's not really food though, it's DVDs. That is definitely not food unless you're a robot. Oh, that's yours. Isn't that yours or just the family? Samuel (23:40): [indiscernible 23:40]. Rosa Linda Román (23:41): Yeah. My goodness. This is a mess. So, Samuel, how's that coming? You're figuring it all out. Working it out together? Samuel (23:49): Yeah, but Ahava's baking [indiscernible 23:49]. Rosa Linda Román (23:52): But you know what, that's that. I think we tell ourselves that story. Samuel (23:56): No, no, no. Let me just say baking's really [indiscernible 23:57] to me when I came here. Rosa Linda Román (24:02): But now you guys figured it out. So, that's good. See that? That is right there my life's work I think is helping all of us, not just them, but helping us all to figure out how to communicate more lovingly, precisely, without all of the baggage and negativity that we sometimes throw in to the way we communicate. And boy, it is hard work because we all do it. You know, you start to say something and you go, I had someone the other day, their daughter had eaten a jawbreaker and when she ate it, she was choking and it was scary. She was fine. But when it was told to me, the story, about what happened, and her daughter's by the way the same age as my, well a little bit younger, but not much, but she was 10. Rosa Linda Román (24:58): And the mother said somebody gave her daughter a jawbreaker and she choked. And I thought, "Huh, her daughter's 10. She made the choice to eat that jawbreaker." And it was a subtle, just a subtle different way of saying it, but massively, different in the impact that it has anyone around you, right? Because if you say, oh my gosh, she was eating a jawbreaker and she choked and it was really scary. First of all, you own that. You know, you as the person who was scared, you know, super scared about your daughter almost choking to death, you express your true feelings, but you're not, you know, casting accusations around without meaning to, right. Because saying the person that gave her that was my seven-year-old son who was giving candy to all of the kids that were there with at least my permission. Rosa Linda Román (26:03): But everybody, you know, it was a situation where they weren't supposed to have candy or you know, they had to check. We were all staying in a place together and Samuel was being generous and offered the kids his personal stash of candy that he had gotten as his, you know, little souvenir reward kind of thing. So, my point is all of this to say there's all these subtle ways that we use language as a weapon. It can be used as to lift people up or it can be used to tear people down. I mean, basically, the same exact thing, using words, you know, in powerfully positive ways and using words in powerfully negative ways. And I think when we're little, like, you know, listening to the kids and being a parent, the thing that is really hard is the language that kids use. You know? "No, it's mine. I don't want to share. No, you know, he took that." Rosa Linda Román (27:00): You know, it's a lot of accusation, and anger, and frustration, and trying to figure out your emotions and feeling like it's you against the world. And it's really, really a huge challenge to try to figure out how to traverse those feelings and help guide a child or myself, to help guide our family toward better ways, more kind ways to say things, to have the same effect but not, or maybe a better effect. Sounds like they're calling me. What's up? Samuel (27:37): Mommy. So, at the end [indiscernible 27:37]. Rosa Linda Román (27:39): I think the prize is a cupcake. Samuel (27:42): I think the prize… Rosa Linda Román (27:43): Is what? What should the prize be? Samuel (27:46): Well, something Rosa Linda Román (27:47): Like what? Money. Samuel (27:48): How about something sugar from the store when you build it? Rosa Linda Román (27:53): No, no, no. These cupcakes are pretty sugary by themselves. How about we think of maybe the chance to pick the next movie? Samuel (28:00): Oh yeah. Rosa Linda Román (28:00): That we watch as a family? Samuel (28:02): That would be good, that would be good. Rosa Linda Román (28:02): Right. So, the winner gets to pick the next movie we watch as a family. And there you go. You know, and then, where is that going to lead, right? Once you say that, then they will start potentially fighting about what if, you know, we judge one is better than the other and so on and so forth. So, I may have just dug myself into a hole. I'm going to keep on working, unpacking, Samuel (28:31): What is the big [indiscernible 28:26] [crosstalk 28:30]. Rosa Linda Román (28:33): Something is smelling good? Is it the same ones? Are the other ones in yet? Samuel (28:31): [indiscernible 28:37]. Rosa Linda Román (28:33): You got some kind cake going on. I'm so interested to see how these turnouts. They don't… Huh? What? I have these scissors. Ziva (28:50): That'll work. And [crosstalk 28:52]. Rosa Linda Román (28:53): I am not finding knives or anything like that. I think we may have been mistaken. Ziva (28:57): Do I need to use a bigger bag than this? Rosa Linda Román (28:59): What for? Ziva (29:00): Frost. Rosa Linda Román (29:00): Oh, can you use a less party bag? Could you… Ziva (29:05): Oh, I have an idea. Ziva (29:06): [indiscernible 29:06]. Rosa Linda Román (29:08): It's just on the boat. We have so much that I did take, but so much more that we didn't. I'm looking through like art supplies. Hi. Oh, I'm kind of scared. I know I shouldn't be. Ziva's experimenting. So, hers is going to look very different than ours, I mean, than her sisters, right? I'm looking at a box and I see like some DVDs. Oh, there's silverware and they just bought silverware. You guys just bought silverware, but I just found a box of silverware in there. Ahava (29:43): Oh. Rosa Linda Román (29:46): Oh, well. Ahava (29:47): Well, then we can [indiscernible 29:47]. Rosa Linda Román (29:49): You can what? Ziva (29:55): [indiscernible 29:54] getting all messy. Rosa Linda Román (29:57): No, I guess this can be kind of the utility closet with like, I don't know. Sounds like you're beating up your… All right, I'm going to just get to work and take a break from talking as I look through the sea of stuff that is quite overwhelming. There are DVDs, and there are tools, and there's toys and there's like the boxes from our drawers for the KonMari folding process. There's diving equipment and standup paddle boards. Yeah. Oh, there's some ropes. Some like- Samuel (30:49): Mommy, do you have anything to keep the jar [indiscernible 30:51]. Rosa Linda Román (30:53): What jar? No, I do not. I don't know if the dive gear should stay in this closet, but for now, it's out of the way at least. Okay, hang on. They're just my Swiss army, nice scissors. Okay, got it ready. Ahava (31:12): I think [indiscernible 31:16] Rosa Linda Román (31:16): Like that? You can always cut more, but you can't cut less. How's it going over there, Samuel? Are you good? Ziva (31:23): I feel like [indiscernible 31:24]. Samuel (31:25): No. Rosa Linda Román (31:26): Well, you can put a rubber band. There were these little rubber bands here. You shot the rubber band somewhere. Well, when you find them they're perfect for the purpose you're looking at. Ziva (31:41): [indiscernible 31:36] when you're ready to test it, tell me. Okay. I'm just [indiscernible 31:48]. Make sure [indiscernible 31:50]. Rosa Linda Román (31:50): Sounds good. You guys are quite creative. I'm impressed. There's a telescope, there's like wetsuit, there's books, and snorkel gear, and clothes, and even upholding bike, a lot of this stuff. Ahava (32:10): Can you help me, please? [indiscernible 32:12]. Rosa Linda Román (32:11): I don't think this dive suit will fit. Oh, well maybe the one that you had for you will now fit Samuel. We'll have to see. Remember that long one? Ziva (32:21): Yeah, I need [indiscernible 32:20]. Rosa Linda Román (32:21): Did you find the rubber band? Ahava (32:23): No, I [indiscernible 32:23]. Rosa Linda Román (32:25): Okay. That's a rubber band. Nope, that did not work. What you have to do is fold it back over and there's… what if you just pinch it. You guys are trying to [indiscernible 32:42]. Interesting. Ahava (32:42): [indiscernible 32:38]. Rosa Linda Román (32:48): All right. I can't find it Ahava. Samuel (32:50): I didn't do it [indiscernible 32:51]. Rosa Linda Román (32:53): What is this? What is this box in the living room? Room looks like Ziva's clothes. Ziva, are these your clothes? These are yours? Samuel are your hands washed before you're touching stuff with soap and water, please? After working with food coloring, you should not be touching the furniture. Okay, I'm going to step out. Z if you need my help, will you please come let me know. I'm going to keep working. Okay? Do you need food right now? Yes. No, don't be mad. Okay, but don't touch anything while you're mad, please. Honey, don't be sad. It was an experiment. Samuel (33:36): Well, but it failed. Rosa Linda Román (33:37): Experiments fail sometimes. Samuel (33:39): No. I know, but it was supposed to be an experiment. Rosa Linda Román (33:43): I'm sorry. Is the green one if you've been touching stuff. Here, here, here, here. Rosa Linda Román (33:49): I understand. But they're still red and it's blue, but look, this is what I opened when opened my box and it sparked joy for me. Z, I'm sorry. This is sad because her cupcake didn't turn out as hoped. Poor baby. Oh my goodness. I just opened my clothing box and feels like a treasure hunt. I'm finding all my little special things that my kids made for me. There's a turtle picture that Ziva decorated that she's feeling sad because her cakes are kind of not going in the direction she had hoped. I thought I would let you guys listen in a little bit more. So, is there any way you can help her salvage them, Ahava? Ahava (34:34): Yeah. Rosa Linda Román (34:33): She's pretty sad, crying in the bathroom. I know, but maybe you could find a way to help her. I want you to help her. This is our drawer of treasures. I think I'm going to use both drawers. Ahava (34:47): Yeah, I can do it. Rosa Linda Román (34:48): All right, well just do it lovingly and gently, please. So challenging. Samuel (34:52): Hey [indiscernible 34:52]. Rosa Linda Román (34:53): What's up? Samuel (34:54): So, my special ingredient, which is [indiscernible 34:58]. Rosa Linda Román (35:01): A prize, okay. Samuel (35:03): And if you get [indiscernible 35:04] then you get five hugs and five [indiscernible 35:08]. Rosa Linda Román (35:09): Wow, I like those prizes Samuel (35:12): And that goes for [indiscernible 35:12]. Rosa Linda Román (35:14): Okay, that's cool. So, it's like a win-win cupcake. I like it Ahava (35:21): Ziva, do you want to build a cupcake? Ziva (35:25): Go. Ahava (35:28): Come on, let's go bake. Ziva (35:30): Go away Ahava. Ahava (35:33): Okay, bye. Rosa Linda Román (35:37): You know what's funny? It's hard to stay mad I'm sure when your sister's hilarious. Okay, bye. That was funny. What? Yes ma'am. Ahava (35:50): I couldn't her if she like… Rosa Linda Román (35:52): I know, but she's feeling sad. Ahava (35:53): I want to show you my cupcake. Rosa Linda Román (35:54): I feel like this is never-ending. Ahava (35:55): Like, I want to show you my cupcake. Rosa Linda Román (35:57): But you don't because- Ahava (35:59): It is so pretty. Rosa Linda Román (36:00): I'm kind of ready to eat something, whether it's a cupcake or… Ahava (36:03): Should we just like do it, daddy? Rosa Linda Román (36:04): My arm or… Ahava (36:05): I'm not going to present if he cares. Rosa Linda Román (36:08): Yeah, he's on his way sooner or later. Why is he- Ahava (36:10): I'll just present [indiscernible 36:11]. Rosa Linda Román (36:12): I don't want this front window open, please. Ahava (36:14): [indiscernible 36:16]. Rosa Linda Román (36:12): Okay, can we move it to this one over here? Ahava (36:19): [indiscernible 36:20]. Rosa Linda Román (36:12): But wait, I got it. No, no, don't pull down like that. You have to. Oh, there's a neighbor and a dog. Is that the grandma? Samuel (36:28): [indiscernible 36:28]. Rosa Linda Román (36:30): Well, shoes would be good. I think that's a good idea. The only challenge is I can't watch you and do this at the same time. So, you could ask your sister if she would come with you. Ziva needs a break from the bake off so you could ask her. You know the problem is Ziva? We don't have enough furniture for the things that we have. Like, you know how the boat had lots of little hiding cubbies and places. We don't really have that. So, I don't have like an art station or like an art center. I don't have games, like a game cabinet. Rosa Linda Román (37:07): Well, there you have it. The ending. I just kind of tapered off. I didn't really wrap it up in a crisp way, but I hope this gave you a little bit of a sense of what it was like in our home to try to move in after moving off of a boat and getting all of our stuff that was on the boat from the storage unit to the moving truck and then into the house which we are renting in Austin. There have been a number of things that have been challenging. I am really wondering if renting a house with nothing in it and also the landlord is quite unwilling to do anything or be helpful. I don't know all the story, but it sounds to me like she and Nathan are definitely at odds and so, it's making things a lot harder to get things done. Rosa Linda Román (37:53): So, that's a stress. I kind of joked to him yesterday when his colleague had dropped him off because he was at the office and we had the car. And so, his colleague was dropping him off at our house and he said, oh, the AC wasn't working like at 80 degrees. Now, granted it was a hundred degrees in Austin yesterday, so it's hard to say if it was the AC broken or it's just underpowered for the kind of day we had. But Nathan loves, loves, loves his air conditioning. I was pretty comfortable with the kids baking. It heated up the house, so I figured it's just hot. But that for Nathan, like no AC is a deal breaker. So, he was kind of messing with the AC, trying to figure it out. And we don't have a refrigerator that works properly. Rosa Linda Román (38:38): We bought ice cream and it's all melted and nothing is keeping and so he's really frustrated about all that. And I said when he was in the middle of it, I said, yeah, it's much less work than living on a boat. And he said, "Yeah, but at least I'm just renting it." So, he seems to be fine and you know, he handles certain things and I handle certain things. And in the middle of the chaos, we're a pretty good pair. Up next for our family, we're heading to Albuquerque. Actually, we're flying into El Paso tomorrow. And then, that's where Nathan keeps his car because he does his clinical work in Alamogordo, New Mexico, in southern New Mexico. So, we'll pick up Nathan's car, drive that up to Albuquerque where we're dropping all three kids off at a summer camp. It's a Jewish summer camp called Camp Orine. Rosa Linda Román (39:28): And it's going to be weird taking all three. I'm nervous about Samuel going. He's my baby. He's seven and it's his first time. So, I am nervous, but I know he'll be fine. And then, we were supposed to go to San Diego, Nathan, and I for a trip together. Just a trip, but he just got another work trip to Dallas in the middle of, so I don't know what that means. It sounds like we're going to have maybe a working vacation instead. But, you know, I roll with it and I know he rolls with it too. So, we will keep you posted. I'll let you know where we end up. We are going to, at some point, get to Mexico. We have a condo in Puerto Penasco, Mexico and we block it out all of August because of the AC issue because it is so hot and we don't want people burning out the AC unit because it's really hard to get it fixed or replaced in Mexico, or at least in Puerto Penasco where our condo is. Rosa Linda Román (40:27): And so, we are going down to the condo at some point to check on it. That has become kind of a big source of income for us because when we moved onto the boat, we put our condo in the rental pool and it has done extremely well. And I'll take the credit for that because I've been maintaining the HomeAway, VRBO listing for that. So, we're going to go check on the condo during this week and then come back and get the kids. And then, there's a lot of logistics that have to be figured out. But I'll leave that for another episode.

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